You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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