At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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