Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
