she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize