so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
