I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
