dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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