The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
