you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
