you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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