Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
