Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
