laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
