what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
