I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
