Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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