It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
