just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
