Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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