I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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