I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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