My Higher Power is John Stamos
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
