I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
