My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
