you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
