So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
