haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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