Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
