It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
