just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
