ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
