so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
