I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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