Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So squirting runs in the family.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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