Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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