I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Randomize
