i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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