Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
