very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FUCK WHALES
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