TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I AM VODKA MAN
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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