saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
