dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
