All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
