What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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