I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
