hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
