You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
