btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
