Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
