I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
