So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
