He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Randomize