All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
