For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
