Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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