My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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