Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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