There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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