my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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