Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
