My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
