The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
