Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
