You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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