Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
