Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
