dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
