So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize