I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
