I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
