my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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