D3 body, D1 cock
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's Friday. Sex?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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