yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
