I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
